^{"Derek is very smart with exceptional people skills. He does, however, have a propensity to make jokes to those around him."}

^{-Mrs. Hirsch, 2nd grade teacher. And every single person since.}

5 things to know about me

1. I'm an optimist, but I don't feel great about it.

2. I believe great story tellers don't give their audience 2. They give them 1+1.

3. If I were to write an autobiography, it would be called Chasing Highs With Chafing Thighs, the Derek Lamer story.

4. The most important thing I've learned doing standup comedy in NYC is how to embrace failure.

5. The second most important thing I've learned doing standup comedy in NYC is where to find the best soup dumplings.